Dear Betsy,
I lived with my girlfriend for 8 months before we got into fight and I asked her to move out.  That was ten days ago.  We still talk and both love each other, but she refuses to move back in.  What do I do to get her to return home?  
Signed,
The guy who cried wolf
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Dear Wolf Man,
One of the most destructive things I see men and women do to each other is threaten their relationships by leaving, threatening to leave, or insisting their partners leave, only to crawl back on their hands and knees begging for another chance. This behavior can trigger intense abandonment issues in the person being threatened, and will--over time--erode, if not destroy any trust the couple has built during their relationship.   Every couple fights, even the happiest.  In fact, the presence of fighting in a relationship does not predict failure at all.  What does predict failure is contempt, the act of going "one-up" with your partner instead of treating him or her with the same kind of respect and restraint you would like to receive.

You've obviously hurt your partner by asking her to leave.  I'm not saying that you're the only one to blame for what went wrong in the relationship, I'm only saying that that by your own admission, you blew it by asking her to go.  Now you've gotten your wish and are regretting it.

My advice to you--assuming you really do want to save your relationship--is that you take 100% responsibility for frightening your girlfriend into believing you were finished with the relationship for good. My guess is that the act of asking her to leave was either a devastating blow to her, or a huge relief.  A lot of times people stay in destructive relationships far too long because they don't have the courage or resources to leave on their own.   I always ask the couples I work with to make a commitment not to threaten to leave the relationship or play the "divorce card" at any time during our work together.  I insist that instead, they learn how to talk about what's hurting each them, without threatening or attacking each other.  This is the best way to save a relationship that's in trouble. Threatening to end it is one of the fastest ways to destroy whatever is left. 

Good luck to you, Wolf Man.  Sending you the courage to get in there and make an amend you are willing to  back up with a commitment.  Anything short of this is unlikely to have much effect.

Betsy