The problem isn't whether your husband is or isn't attracted to your girlfriend. It's natural to be attracted to all sorts of attractive people---even after you're married. The problem is what he does with those feelings.

Dear Betsy,

My husband wants to have sex with my best friend...but he only tells me this when he is drunk...what does this mean?

Signed,

Punched in the gut

___________________________________________________________

Dear Punched,

It probably means a couple of things. One: He probably would like to have sex with your best friend. Two: I would recommend talking to him about this when he's not drunk, so you'll know if there's any risk of him actually acting on his desire.

Maybe he's telling you this while he's drunk because he's afraid to talk about it when he's sober. But really, the problem isn't whether he is or isn't attracted to your girlfriend. It's natural to be attracted to all sorts of attractive people---even after you're married. The problem is what he does with those feelings. If he's smart, and he wants to stay married, he'll figure out ways to protect your relationship by not fueling this attraction by flirting with her when she's around or fantasizing about her when she's not. Hopefully, your best friend isn't encouraging him in any way.

Whatever the case, my suggestion is to have a heart-to-heart with your husband and find out what's really going on with him---and with your relationship. It might be that by telling you, your husband's actually trying to nip in the bud, before it gets out of control. Or maybe he's feeling unattractive to you or rejected by you sexually, so he's stirring things up to make you jealous. It's impossible to know for sure, so why not ask him? And while you're at it, if you suspect he's got an issue with alcohol, I'd bring that up, too. Alcohol has a way of loosening inhibitions between people. If this is an on-going issue for your husband, it's likely to be an on-going source of concern for you.

Good luck,

Betsy